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Christmas Jokes.
Spread some Christmas cheer. Share a Christmas joke.
What's red and white and falls down the chimney?
A: Santa Klutz! |
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Fruitcake Recipe.
1 cup water
Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway? | ||
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If You See a Fat Man If you see a fat man who's jolly and cute, Wearing a beard and a red flannel suit, And if he is chuckling and laughing away, while flying around in a miniature sleigh. With eight tiny reindeer to pull him along. THEN LET'S FACE IT ...YOUR EGGNOG'S TO STRONG. | ||
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Psychological Christmas Songs.
SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are.
DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.
NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)
MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town
PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.
PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY - Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away). | ||
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No Christmas in Washington D.C.
NEWS FLASH!
There will be no Christmas celebration in Washington, DC this year. Apparently they could not find three wise men. | ||
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Things To Say about a Christmas Gift You Don't Like.
1. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit.
2. This is perfect for wearing around the basement.
3. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.
4. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
5. I love it -- but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
6. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
7. To think -- I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
8. "I really don't deserve this." | ||
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Q: How do you tell if a Christmas Trre is male or female? A: The male tree is the one with balls.
Q: What did the floor say to the Christmas tree? | ||
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sweeties for sharing these funny jokes with the group. Love them all. | ||
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Knock, knock" "Who's there?"
"Merry" "Merry who?" | ||
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A little boy sits on Santa's lap. Santa says "I bet I know what you want for Christmas," and with his finger he taps the boys nose with every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S".
The little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have enough toys."
Santa replies once again tapping the boys nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."
Again the little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have all kinds of candy."
"Well what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.
The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y, and don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!" | ||
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As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?" | ||
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Denominations Maria went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.' What denomination?' asked the clerk. 'Oh! Good heavens! Have we come to this?' said Maria, 'Well give me 50 Methodist and 50 Church of England ones please.'
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love them all. |
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